Often times, I find myself thinking about my country's education system, and I don't know whether to blanch in disgust or to quietly accept that whatever shite system my country has, it is a lot better than many other third world countries. But knowing me, I'm leaning more towards the former.

I love my country. Never doubt that. It's peaceful -as peaceful as it could ever be- , the people are kind, friendly and helpful and all that shit.

But there's one thing I hate most about my country. It boasts a multi-racial community, it's proud of the fact that so many races can live peacefully under one nation and blablabla. And you know what? Unsurprisingly, we're one of the most racist people in the world, I'll have you know.

My country is peaceful. I nod to that. But fair? When is life ever.

I'm a Chinese. Our country's priorities, the Malays, have their whole lives carved out in marble and roads paved for them in gold to succeed and surpass the very much more able, smarter, hard working Chinese citizens. Because our government (Of course controlled by Malays) knows that the Malay community would've gone extinct had they given us all fair treatment.

This is why my country produces the most 'kiasu' Chinese in the world. Even Singapore likes our kind. Because they know that in Malaysia, however you try and succeed, you'll always be standing behind the Malays who are much more undeserving. And we wonder why brain drain occurs so rapidly among Malaysians. If there are a million Malaysians who had chosen to live abroad, I'll bet you that at the very least, 85-90% of them are Chinese.

Singapore knows our potential. They acknowledge it. And they succeed in baiting our kind to migrate there, to contribute to another country even well knowing that we could've easily done so for our own. But we don't. Because your race still plays a huge factor, whether you like it or not.

I remember back then, there was a time when we were urged to name our race as Malaysians, not Chinese, not Malay, not Indian, not Kadazan, not Ibanese, not etc. And then a Minister admitted that he came, first as a Malay, and second, as a Malaysian. The very same man who's currently our deputy PM and may very well be the one to lead our country in the foreseeable future. Don't you just love the irony, that our country preaches racial unity and yet encourages discrimination.

I, myself, have experienced first hand, the severity of unfairness my country has displayed to me after my SPM results (Equivalent to O-levels) were announced. I'm an average student -if I may say so myself- and I got straight A's for the ten bloody subjects I took. I knew my road was set to continuing my Form 6 life, and to sit for my STPM (Equivalent to A-levels) next year, but I held high hopes for gaining admittance to the Matriculation programme. Though some part of myself knew not to have too much faith in it(Because, let's face it. Malaysia is fucking racist and the Matriculation programme is famously known for it's 90% Malays and 10% other races admittance rate), I did blindly hope anyways. And of course I failed to get in with my straights. But my Malay friends who barely scraped any, if not one A, easily got in. How is that fair I wonder. And on my screen, where it stated my failure to gain admittance, it wrote there: Kelayakan tidak mencukupi. Which literally translates to "You are not eligible enough." I referred to the list of applicant's eligibility , and it stated there, extremely clearly, that the entire selection process was based merely on meritocracy, which means, results. They might as well told me 'You are not a Malay. Please kindly fuck off.' Obviously, I was extremely angry and beyond disappointed. I had wanted it badly as the Matrics programme only takes a year to complete and I could very well gain admittance into university by next year, instead of STPM, where it takes approximately 2 years, where I'll only enter Uni the next two years.

(Our public education system is fucking fucked up. I'll break it down for you.
It is compulsory to complete your education till at least, SPM Level, which is our Form 5. You can drop out but of course, it is not encouraged. Our education is pretty much free until then. That's 11 years of education, starting from the age of 7 to 17. This is fucked up because most countries only recognise 12 years of education. Our government purposefully made it so that to continue Form 6, you'll have to take at least 1.5 years.

I stated 2 years instead of 1.5 because: I took my SPM last year. Around December. And results were out last March. We only started form 6 on May and then barely a few weeks in, we started our holidays which drags on until June(Malaysia is fucking well known for it's number of holidays. School ones, and especially public ones. Since we have so many races, we have a fudging lot of special days to celebrate. So come work here if you really like em.), so I've concluded that we're officially starting classes on June. We'll have completed our STPM by December next year and results are out at March. Uni admittance is in September. So we have an almost year gap to do practically nothing. And to sum up the time from the end of SPM, it takes 2 years and 9 months, approximately 3 years to get to Uni. Where I'll be 20-21 years old by then and starting my first year. That is fucking old, and I know that regular people out there would've been on their 3rd or Fourth year, ready to graduate when I'm just a freshman. Matriculation saves me a year, so that says a lot. And that Matriculation, obviously proposed for the Malays, are fucking easier than STPM. Compared to STPM, matriculation is like taking candy from a baby. A baby that is sleeping and left his loli on his lap where it rolls easily onto your outstretched palm. STPM is known to be extremely tough, I don't know whether you've heard of it, but it's bloody tough. And set that way because 90% of STPM takers are Chinese because we have no other way to continue our education except it, apart from making a huge hole in your pocket, forking out to pay for private institutions. And I don't have that kind of money on me.)

I knew my results weren't good enough to receive any scholarships, but I still applied anyways. And out of the ten I applied, I only got called for an interview for one, which is a fully sponsored programme by our ever loving government and you can only apply if your results have a minimum of 8 A's. It's for engineering courses in Germany, Japan, Korea and France. 300 spots, and it has a determined quota of races: 51% Malays, 26% Chinese, the rest for Indians. The percentage is a tad bit higher but considering the amount of places, it's still low. I went for it and assumed that I did well. My oral presentations were good, I even wore Malay baju kurung there to show my respect for the Muslim race in my country. Obviously, I did not get it. I was the second batch on that day, and in my state only, there were a few hundred Chinese hopefuls, a handful of Indians, and one or two Malays. I'd bet you that every single Malay who went secured their places just by going, even if they stood there stupidly looking at the judges.
Overall, I heard there were thousands of Chinese who attended the interview. It just wasn't meant for me. Did not feel as heartbroken about it when I saw the results. So I don't think I had too much hopes for it then.

But. There was a point during the interview where a guy asked us for our views on the LGBT scene in Malaysia. Malaysia is a discriminating, self-absorbed, racist country (my words, not his) and he asked on our opinions on how to overcome this pandemic (refering to the LGBT scene, not my words.). Because it's nasty, his tone of voice implied. I kept quiet. Other answered him, but I did not. I have friends who are lesbian. Should I have opened my mouth to defy him, when my chance at securing a scholarship lies in his hands? Now, knowing the end result, I should have. But what's the point, they would've just marked me off as an idiot and it was at the end of the session and I couldn't wait to go home. So bah.

I acknowledge that it's good enough that the government provides us with a somewhat sufficient education system. But in it's core, it's unfairness is fairly startling, given that the people who rightfully deserve the better programmes, don't get it, and people who were born into 'the correct' race get spoon-fed every single time. Don't get me wrong, I may sound supremely racist here, but I'm not even a smidgen of the Muslims who bomb places/things/their dicks up just by the will of Allah. I have Malay friends who I love, who I hang out with everyday at school, but you can't tell me you're happy for them when they got what you should've deserved. I'm no saint.

So my country's racist, hates gay people, acknowledges the stupid, dismisses the deserving, as discriminative as they come, have pretty dumb leaders (Have you heard. Of my country forking out a few billion dollars. To buy a submarine or two. That can't fucking submerge. I don't even know what to say to that...). But it has awesome food which I think makes up for it. Just barely.

Hurrah. :[

Well, not really new here, been here loads of times, opened an account but lost track of it, so (in desperation)
I opted for creating another account just to satisfy my needs.

However, I'm no big fan of livejournal. So sue me.

I don't really get all the functions and some just makes me tick, I DON'T GET IT.

Help would be welcomed (when I need it of course).

So that's pretty much it, I still don't like it.

-And yes, apparently I've loads of time to waste-


Peace . Out .
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